i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
