as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize