If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
