I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
