It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
where are my eyebrows?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
