My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
foreskin is a definite game changer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
