I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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