A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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