take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize