Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
