with your own penis?
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize