You're completely useless in the revolution.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize