i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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