I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
