did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize