Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
