I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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