he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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