well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize