Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
