you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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