I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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