I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize