Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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