I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
