So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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