What did we do last night that was yellow?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
