I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize