when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
