It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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