Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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