It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
