just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i believe in u and ur pee
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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