I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
