Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
