i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
