Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
