After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
