I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize