You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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