she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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