i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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