so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
