Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
