I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
