I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
