and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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