if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
