I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
