i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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