My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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