i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
