On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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