what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
