I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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