Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
