According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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