i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize