With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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