Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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