I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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