Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MIDGETS
????
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
