Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
