You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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