Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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