I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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