I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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