somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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