Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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