Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
