I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
