don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
