i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
