Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
