why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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