chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
