I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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