Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
