I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize