hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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