I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
they're like a gay fantastic four
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
