yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
