Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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