it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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