The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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