my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
