Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Damn victory sex feels great
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
