should my penis look like a turkey
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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