i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize