Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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