I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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