I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
