You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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